Session 8: Rammerdung

So, after running through Nigel's campaign, we have returned to the adventures of the Beardians, minus the aforementioned Nigel, unfortunately. You shall be missed, sir!

The updated player list is now:
Sango.....The DM
Adam.....K'Phalvius Hardun the half-elf ranger.
Andy.....Andy the anonymous human druid.
Brian.....Eddi the human cleric.
Chauncey.....Chauncey the anonymous elf wizard.
Sarah.....Elya "Lucky" Nearhit the halfling rogue.

During the session detailed in this post, Auren was handled by the DM, not Nigel.

Another major change was the switch from the Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 rulebooks to the Pathfinder rules. I elected to make the change to Pathfinder because it is actually an improved version of 3.5 and I had not heard flattering things about D&D 4E. This means there have been various changes to characters and their abilities and spells, some major, some minor. Also, since this is not exactly a D&D blog anymore, I've changed the name to The Beardian Blog.

Now, without further ado...

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The ogre mage's evil laugh echoed through the furnace he'd disappeared into. As it faded, the Beardians gathered to assess the situation. Feeling quickly returned to Andy's limbs and he stumbled out of the receding paralysis; meanwhile, Eddi let out a burst of healing energy, relieving his comrades of their wounds.

The furnace was too small for most of the party to chase the ogre through (who, incidentally, had acquired the dreadful name of Dokt'mahn Haeten over the break), but Chauncey sent her feline familiar to scope it out. A chimney lead up to the bright afternoon sky, but the perceptive cat also found a small vent connecting to the oven of the bakery that Andy had found a couple hours earlier. After a moment, the cat reported back to its master -- it had seen Dokt'mahn Haeten ordering a mass of orcs to raid the room that the Beardians were in!

Eddi suggested expedient retreat and the vote was unanimous. They turned back the way they'd come, to the secret passage near the great stone door. As they neared it, a chill ran down the spines of all but the bravest -- echoing through the passage was an unearthly moaning, emanated by many voices. The orcish zombies staggering down the secret passage looked familiar to the Beardians and they realized they were the animated corpses of the orcs they had already killed. As Auren stepped forward, Eddi pulled him back and shook his head: their best chance was for the cleric to use his ability to channel divine energy to destroy the undead creatures. The zombies shambled around the corner and Eddi tensely waited until the closest was but a hair's breadth away before raising his holy symbol. A bright light shone forth with a white intensity, and as it passed over the zombies they crumbled to ash.

But the Beardians were not out of the fire yet. Andy, bringing up the rear farther back down the tunnel, suddenly notched his bow and cried to his fellows the existence of orcs -- lots of orcs, in fact. TOO MANY orcs. The druid counted fifteen and more coming before sprinting back to rejoin the rest of the party. Meanwhile, at the head of the group, more zombies had appeared along with their master, another orc cleric. Eddi used another holy energy burst, but did not roll as well this time -- the zombies continued to shamble forward, crying for brains. Auren stepped forward to smack down, but his fists seemed barely effective. His efforts were not helped by the orc cleric's attacks -- the monk had to duck and dodge as the orc summoned a magical spear to attack.

Lucky ducked into the space leading to the stone door. The movement caught Eddi's eye, and in the same moment he turned to check it the orc cleric cast a paralyzation spell on him. Frozen staring at the stone door, Eddi was the only Beardian to notice a mat covered in dust and earth lying at its base. It was a dainty little thing, actually, crafted from ancient straw that still held the maroon and azure pattern running along its border. Delicately knitted into the middle of the mat were the words, "Seek, friend, and enter."

The mat drew Andy's attention too. Desperate for a way out of the situation, he approached the door and ran his fingers across its frame and the intimidating lock, searching for the answer to the riddle. His eagle companion, taken in by its master's excitement, hopped down from his shoulder to grapple with the mat and managed to reveal a key hidden beneath it! Fast as a snake, Chauncey snatched the key from the triumphant raptor and thrust it into the lock. It turned easily and the door slowly swung open.

Andy, Chauncey, and Lucky dashed through the door, finding themselves in a long, narrow passage leading into distant darkness. Andy gave a flick of his hand and a magic flame appeared in his palm -- he called for the others to follow as he ran down the now illuminated corridor. The orcs had finally caught up to the group outside and K'Phalvius took some heavy damage as he scrabbled away. Eddi managed to struggle out of the paralysis spell and launched himself forward to hold them off as the half-elf made his escape. Finally, he and Auren were the last outside the door. Auren yelled out his concern for keeping the orcs from staying the door and Eddi replied that he had a plan.

Now, it must be understood at this point that Auren and Eddi had been at each others' throats since first meeting. This is something that, reviewing my previous posts, I seem to have neglected to emphasize. Auren's disciplined, static personality clashed drastically with Eddi's free and chaotic nature and neither had the goodwill to work out their differences. Discussion became a gridlock of arguments and each would frequently subvert the other's intentions, both in and out of battle. So it was not out of character, what Eddi did next.

The cleric grabbed Auren by the robes and hauled the astonished monk above his head. Bunching his muscles, he flung Auren at the orcs crowded into the passage, then skedaddled through the door. As he swung the door closed, K'Phalvius gaping at him, the last sound they two could hear was Auren screaming out vengeance above the warcries of the orcs -- then the door was closed and everything was a muffled cacophony.

Eddi's eyes rolled frantically as he announced the next problem: "Who has the key?!" Chauncey, far down the passage with the other two Beardians, gave a gasp of realization and sprinted back to the door. She tossed the key to the cleric who scrabbled to lock the door ... click! The Beardians held their breath for a tense moment ... and started slightly when the thumping and banging of the orcs against the other side began. Finally, they all gave out a sigh of relief. The great stone door was going to hold and they were safe for now.

Except, where was Auren? Lucky, Andy, and Chauncey had not seen Eddi's betrayal on the other side of the door. Eddi and K'Phalvius exchanged looks -- the undisciplined half-elf not been the monk's greatest ally, and he could not argue the effectiveness of Eddi's attempt to slow the orcs. Eddi turned back to his (good-aligned) comrades. Auren had stayed behind to hold them off, he said. Besides, he MIGHT still be alive...

The party took a moment to mourn their lost fellow, then turned to exploring the passage. They'd walked through pitch blackness for about a hundred feet before they encountered their first staircase, leading upwards. They continued to travel, taking a moment now and then to renew torches and light spells, for a whole four hours, moving upwards slowly but surely.

Finally, exhausted and demoralized, they spotted a faint light in the distance. Lucky crept forward, recognizing the lighted outline of another sturdy door. From within she could hear much deep-throated laughter -- guffawing, even -- but could not understand the language being spoken. She motioned Chauncey over, for the wizard had mastery of many languages, and she confirmed the voices to be speaking Dwarven. At that, Andy banged on the door and cried out, "Help! Orcs!" which prompted a lot of shouting and clanging of metal from within. The door swung open revealing four well-armored dwarves, and at least eight different axes between them, who demanded the location of the announced orcs. (The dwarves, I mean. That is, the dwarves demanded; not the axes.) Eddi stepped forth to explain the situation and hearing this the dwarves relaxed noticeably. "They will never get past the door; I helped build it meself!" claimed the lead dwarf, who shortly (ha) introduced himself as Rammerdung. This prompted some sniggering from the Beardians, which he either ignored or was oblivious to. "Rammerdung, meet K'Phalvius Hardun," said Eddi.

Rammerdung offered the dwarven abode for the Beardians to rest, much to their relief. He explained the place was an outpost of the nearby dwarven city of Quantran and that the post was a pretty sweet gig since they were rarely bothered by superiors from the city and infrequently saw any action. He seemed, perhaps, too comfortable with the position, for when the Beardians asked his assistance in defeating the orc army he became intent on worming his way out. "Well, we'd have to report back to Quantran, for acting without orders could mean our jobs..." It was obvious that the dwarves had no intention of abandoning their cushy abode, especially not to fight a powerful ogre mage.

Lucky, in the meantime, had been investigating a strangely placed fir tree sitting in a corner of the room. It was decorated with bits of precious metals, mostly gold. There was a lot of gold, particularly in the form of small globes hanging from the tree's branches. The greedy rogue had snatched one away when her hosts weren't looking, only to find that the gold was simply painted on. She caught the attention of Rammerdung, who was desperate to change the subject. "Admiring our Goldsmas tree, hey?"

He explained that this night was the eve of the famously celebrated dwarven holiday of Goldsmas, when good little dwarf boys and gir-- well, mostly just boys -- put up a Goldsmas tree with the expectation of the dwarf spirit St. Nickleas placing presents beneath it. The other holiday tradition was to get shit-faced. At this, Andy's eyes lit up and he asked what there was to drink.

The dwarves exchanged looks and chortles. "Sergoih's Shame! But no non-dwarf can handle this beastie!" One of them slammed a flagon of a thick, red liquid before the druid. Some of it spilled on the table and it ate clean through the wood. Andy looked ecstatic. "If I down this, does my picture get put on the wall of fame?" Rammerdung replied that he would deliver the portrait to the largest tavern in Quantran himself. But, he warned, "it is made from the lava-blood of the thoqqua, a fire elemental. It's also prone to spontaneous combustion. You will probably die. Or explode. Or both." He made sure to repeat this several times until Andy raised his cup and downed the whole thing in one go. His chair skidded and he fell comatose to the ground.

Eddi sighed and cast a healing spell to protect the unconscious man while the dwarves proceeded in further guffawing. With this, the Beardians turned in for the night, the sounds of Goldsmas carols ringing in their ears through the evening.

(Goldsmas carols are a lot like Christmas carols, but the subject is drastically different. Take, for example, the Goldsmas song, "Jingold Bells," which goes something like, "Gold gold gold, Gold gold gold, Gold gold gold gold gold // Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold, Gold gold gold gold gold gold, Hey!")